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RUSSIAN 
BALL. * 



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CARIZTOH- PUBLISHED- N'Y- 

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THE RUSSIAN BALL. 



SHj /V y-^ rn) C^VVVtC. 



THE RUSSIAN BALL 



OR 



THE ADVENTURES OF 
MISS CLEMENTINA SHODDY, 

A HUMOROUS DESCRIPTION IN YERSE, 
BY A NEW YORK EDITOR. 



w 




NEW YORK, 

Carletorij Publisher , 413 Broadway, 



M DCCC LXIII, 



&2 



Ye ARGUMENT. 



Ye fair Clementina asketh her " parient " to go to 
ye ball 9 

Ye fair Clementina maketh her preparations therefor. . 10 
How ye Academy appeared, and how ye inevitable 

Brown made himself useful as well as ornamental. . .12 
Ye ladies' dresses. . . . . . . 14 

How ye father Shoddy mistook a Policeman for a 

Russian. ......... 16 

Ye fair Clementina danceth with ye Russians and 

thinketh not of ye Polish Women 18 

Washington ye Good and Peter ye Great. . . .18 
Ye Supper and ye hungry Shoddyites. . . .20 
Ye four thousand Shoddyites eat a Supper for tzvo. . 22 



* 



YE ARGUMENT. 



Ye Male Shoddyite regaleth himself but leaveth ye 
Female to Starve. - 



Ye paternal Shoddy showeth his delight a 
ter's supping with ye Russian Admiral. 
(Ye ball is over.) . 
Ye Morning after ye Ball. 
What ye Ball cost. . 
" Good advice " to ye Shoddyites. 
What ye poet saw at ye Ball. . 
Moral Reflections. . 



his daugh- 



22 

24 

2 5 
2 5 
26 
26 

28 
32 



POEM. 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. 



" Oh, Pa, of course I must go to the ball ; 

" MacFlimseys are going, and so are all 

" The Flutters, the Flunkeys, and more whom 

we know, 
" So, dearest papa, to the Ball I must go. 7 ' 
So spake Clementine, and her father replied, 
With laudable feelings of natural pride, 
" Go you shall, go you shall, dearest daughter, 

fori 



10 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 

" Can afford the expense, for my goose hangeth 

high; 
44 I'm making a million by contracts, and so 
u Of course, Clementine, to the ball you shall 

go." 



So fair Clementine to Tiffany rushes, 



And breasting the crowd that surges and 

crushes, 
She hires her diamonds, and pays ten per cent 
For the value of that which only is lent. 
She buyeth her flowers at fabulous prices, 
And dreams all the night but of dances and 

ices. 
New dresses are ordered of costliest pattern 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. 11 

(For sweet Clementine, though in private a 

slattern, 
Determines in public at least to be splendid). 
The night comes at last and her troubles are 

ended. 
All Shoddydom flutters with great expectation ; 
tfhe night of the ball to the guests of the nation. 
The bosoms of thousand fair Shoddyites pant 
With triumph : They're going, while thousands 

more can't. 
" Come, come, Clementine, the hack's at the 

door." 
She cometh. " You ne'er looked so charming 

before. 
" Oh, kiss me, my daughter." She bends her 

sweet body 



12 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 

And taketh the fatherly blessing of Shoddy. 

The carriage soon carries her crinolined self 
Bedecked and bejewelled, regardless of pelf, 
To the opera door. And she enters within — 
She starts, well she may, with surprise at the 
scene. 



« All's changed like a vision ; there 're 
carpets and cloths, 



And gaslight in plenty, so tempting to moths, 
And pictures by dozens, and flags by the 

score ; 
Of splendor there's much, and of shoddy much 
more. 
On reaching the boxes, that "man of the town," 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. 13 

Th' inevitable, heavy, wonderful Brown, 
As gross and as gay and as graceful as ever, 
Dispenses the programme with manner most 

clever. 
Oh ! scene of enchantment ! Oh ! had I the 

pen 
Of Jenkins, great Jenkins, the Jenkins! what 

then ? 
I'd fail to describe even then all the splendor — 
Shoddy male most triumphant, Shoddy female 

most tender. 
The ladies ! Oh, would I could rave of their 

tresses, 

But space has its limits, so now for their dresses, 

2 



14 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 



Ladies in satin and ladies in silk, 



Garments the" color of blood or of milk, 
Ladies in pink and ladies in green, 
Ladies in blue and ladies in sheen, 
Ladies in velvet and ladies in lace, 
Ladies (like canvass) with paint on their face, 
Ladies with opera-cloaks, ladies without them, 
Ladies with garlands and gardens about them, 
Ladies with diamonds in wondrous profusion, 
Ladies in general delight and confusion. 
Meanwhile the Shoddyites masculine fumbled, 
Awkward as ever, continually stumbled, 
Not few of them frowned, and most of them 

grumbled. 
They crowded, they pushed, they squeezed, and 

they tore, 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. 15 

They trod upon corns, alas ! even swore, 

For seldom they'd been in a ball-room before. 

But U. S. A. Shoddy, fair Clementine's father, 

Was not of this set, he was radiant, rather ! 

His wife and his daughter were there, and he 
knew it, 

He'd paid for their tickets, and never would 
rue it. 

No, no ! till the last of his days he'd re- 
call 

With transport the fact that he'd been to the 
ball. 

His daughter was dancing of course with some 
Russian ; 

Delightful, oh ! wasn't it ? Really 'twas " gush- 



16 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 

He turned in a tumult of feeling, and 

sees 
An officer striving to pass, " if you please " — 
He's surely a Russian, and Shoddy bows 

low. 
Oh ! what would you give, Father Shoddy, to 

know 
How much you're mistaken *? No Russian 

is he, 
But merely one of the police, do you see ? 
For really though shocking 'tis true that the 

crowd, 
Though mighty, is " mixed " — do not speak it 

aloud, 
But button your pockets — there 're thieves not 

a few, 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. *7 

And Cyprians many, believe me, 'tis true. 

But look at the dancers, if " dancers " 
they call 
Th' unfortunate few who are whirled at a 

ball, ! 

Now hither, now thither, mere mass and mere 

matter, 
'Midst little of music, and good deal of 

clatter ! 
Alas for the Russians, they're small, far too 

small, 
To live through the crush of a Shoddyite 

ball. 

They're little, too little, we fear us, to last, 

For crinolined partners though lovely are vast. 
2* 



l8 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 



Miss Clementine dances with Russians 



by dozens, 
And flirts with them freely, as though they were 

cousins; 
But what of the women of Poland whose shrieks 
Would blanch, if she heard them, her heart and 

her cheeks *? 
Aye, what of these women, whom th' Russians 

destroy, 
Because they are Poles, and are women, with joy. 
She heeds not, but whirleth and waltzeth away, 
With a genuine Rus., and her bosom is gay. 



But see ! with a stern and majestical 

glance, 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. 19 

Stands Washington — what thinketh lie of the 

dance *? 
See ! Shoddy has placed him 'midst graceful 

Dianas, 
Lotos-eaters, and Muscovite portraits and ban- 
ners. 
Oh ! what thinketh he of the strange union 

there — 
Th' American Eagle and Muscovite Bear ? 
Oh ! what does he think of the flags of the 

free 
Being joined with the emblems of tyranny ? 
Oh ! what does he think of his own honest 

name 
Thus linked with the Peter, not great — save in. 

shame % 



20 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 

Oh ! what are his thoughts ? Let's to dances 

and drinks, 
For what careth Shoddy what Washington thinks *? 



But now comes the hour most cherished 



by all, 
Who dance, and are danced, at the Shoddyite 

Ball. 
An hour of pure and poetic delight, 
An hour more precious than all of the night, 
A season when nature asserteth its power 
O'er satin and shoddy — the great supper hour ! 
The signal is given, O fate ! how they crush ! 
O muse ! how they battle ! good God ! how 

they rush ! 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. 21 

As though their existence, their fortunes, and 

all, 
Were staked on the time when they reached 

Irving Hall. 
The banquet is ready ; the elegant room 
Is covered with flags and is filled with perfume ; 
But what careth Shoddy for flags or for flowers ? 
Let others love beauty — the supper is ours. 
And truly the banquet is beauty ; the care 
Of famous Delmonico passeth compare. 
Bright crystals, bouquets, and choice fruits are 

displayed, 
The tables with glory and gout are arrayed, 
Confections are plenty ; and two mighty Czars, 
Alexander and Abe, await the huzzas 
Of all who behold them in sugar together. 



22 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 

(Remember the proverb of u birds of a feather.") 

The viands and wines, oh you ne'er 

would forget them, 

Delicious they are, if — you only could get them — 

But few can accomplish this desirable feat; 

So the many look on while the happy few eat. 

Four thousand can't feed on a supper — for two. 

So, poor Clementina, oh, what will you do ? 

Your partners have left you, the delicate elves, 

They're gallantly busy in — helping them- 
selves. 



-For strange to behold, no attention is paid 



By man unto woman, or matron or maid. 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. 23 



Poor Crinoline's left in the midst of the floor, 
While men eat their full, then eat something 

more. 
I'm told in the midst of the terrible jam 
Some fair female lips muttered audibly "damn." 
And some "fragile creatures" waxed wild in 

their wrath 
And tore rival skirts in their furious path. 
But effort was vain. The weaker sex found 
That men are but beasts when " feeding time's" 

round. 
And what can be hoped from creatures of Shoddy 
Whose heart's in their purse, whose soul is all 

body. 
Besides, just consider, unreasonable sinner, 
'Tis seldom a Shoddyite's eaten a dinner 



24 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 

Or supper. He cannot be reasonably thought 
To be able to act as a gentleman ought. 
And so, Clementina, excuse your rough brothers, 
And share the same hunger that's. suffered by 
others. 



Your father is eating and drinking for 



three — 

So share in his joy — for most joyful is he. 

He thinks that his child's with the Admiral's sup- 
ping. 

His u habit " is " full," so he taketh to "cupping." 

In fact I'm afraid Mr. U. S. A. S. 

Will soon be much more than mere shoddy or less. 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. 2 5 

At last, though, the supper where most 

cannot sup 
Is over and ended and eaten all up — 
And sweet Clementina and "darling papa," 
He happy, she hungry, make search for 

u mamma," 
And together the trio depart one and all 
From the scene of the blunder that's known as 

The Ball. 

\ 

Next day Shoddy mere remaineth in 

bed, 
And Shoddy fere hath an ache in his head, 
And Clementine rises all haggard and cross, 
Beginning to think that her gain was all loss. 

3 



26 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 

" Oh, papa," she crieth, " Oh, were they not 

stupid," 
By "they" she means Russians — though each 

was a Cupid 
Scarce twelve hours since— but twelve hours 

makes all 
The difference alike in a battle or ball. 
And Shoddy fiere murmurs, "Th' expense has 

been steep, 
But contracts can stand it," and goeth to sleep. 



-The night of the ball was a night that 



was lost 
To honor and profit — And think of its cost. 
Thousands of dollars in gay decoration 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. 27 

Incurred on account of th' guests of the nation. 
(Shudder, O thinker, while reading these lines.) 
Thousands in candies and thousands in wines, 
Thousands in flowers and trimming of tresses, 
Hundreds of thousands in diamonds and 

dresses, 
Thousands in laces and follies and collars, 
Footing in all to a million of dollars. 



Thousands of widows had lived in good 

cheer 
On less than this sum for more than a year. 
And thousands of wretched-eyed faces were 

bright 
For many a month with this waste of a night. 



28 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 

Oh, Shoddy, if truly you loved your dear 

land 
You'd open your heart, if you could, and your 

hand. 
And give of your gold to their children and 

wives 
Who, while you are dancing, are risking their 

lives. 
Dressing and flirting with Muscovite lover 
Will never the Constitvtion recover. 
Balls a. la Russe by the million or more 
Will never " the glorious Union " restore. 



- The eyes of a poet are sharp, oh my 
brothers, 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. 29 

And mark many things which escape many- 
others. 

Had many but seen what I saw at the ball 

They'd left in disgust and returned not at all. 

I saw our American girls in the clasp 

Of Russians, who danced with them gaily. 
Whose grasp 

Encircled their waist, while their hearts swelled 
with pride, 

Their feet were fleet fairies — But lo, at their 
side, 

I saw (in my dream) countless women who 
cried 

To Russians for pity and Poland in vain — 

The Russians were stone and their dear ones 

were slain. 

3 



30 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 

No quarter, no mercy, no justice was given; 
But Russians on earth drove the Poles unto 

Heaven. 
— I saw at the ball Shoddy sensual and dull, 
Exclaiming : " Ha ! ha ! I have eaten my 

full." 
But there at his feet (in my true waking 

dream) 
Was rolling a swollen and dark southern 

stream, 
And near it a soldier, who lay by its brink, 
All bleeding and dying and praying for drink. 
He'd fought for the flag, in a skirmish he fell, 
Unknown, and alone he was dying — Ah, well, 
While Shoddy was raising the wine to his 

mouth 



THE RUSSIAN BALL. 31 

The soldier of the North breathed his last in the 

South — 
— I saw at the ball a bold woman whose face 
Was soulless and shoddy-like, senseless and 

base, 
And yet she wore diamonds and richest of 

lace ; 
But there (in my dream) I beheld a sweet girl, 
The tip of whose finger, the wave of whose 

curl, 
Was worth, oh a thousand such women as 

these — 
And yet this sweet girl was in danger to 

freeze 
While stitching in garret so close to the stars 
And thinking of him who had gone to the wars. 



32 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 

And now for the moral of this my short 

song; 
'Tis simply all Shoddy is folly and wrong, 
And seasons like this when so many hearts call 
To God in their woe is no time for a Ball. 



<& 

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